big gays don't cry

I've been further than three months at Jollibee Paseo de Sta. Rosa and in that little amount of time, several things happened, much alteration has been made. Aside from the fact that I gained 11 lbs. from my unswerving weight of 95 lbs, so I must to lose 15 pounds to be skinny again. Haha. Desperada? Well, I advised myself that at this juvenile age of 16 ( oops! 2 months before my 17th birthday!) I need to find love. Bongga! Ha-ha. Also I know that when I finally have a job, I'll most likely find someone exceptional who does fancy me because I'm good at bed but for the reason of who I am. Then last June 18, I met my PANGET in the same company, actually I met him since my PHA Days but we've got closer and closer of course. He's also an employee at Jollibee and he's on the kitchen (another clue to Mam Jules. Haha). Actually former crew. He's not that just the thing guy that 'makalaglag-panty' but I saw impressive in him that prepared me fall in-love with him. Well, going back to June 18 2007, its pay-day and my co-workers decided to have some drinking session. After few shots of Emperador Brandy, I felt tipsy that's why I fell asleep and when I woke-up I found myself resting at his lap, END OF THE STORY! Haha. That's it! That was start of something new. We call each other day by day, texts each other but since he left Jollibee we hardly ever see each other. We just hang-out throughout drinking sessions and we does that twice a month only. Weeks had passed; our connection is just like that. Like an emblematic love affair, we fight over small things and convalesce the same day we argue. Then I woke up one day and I realized that my feelings for him started to become paler away, he always tell me that he adore me but I don't know, I can't feel the sparkle anymore between us. I know it's not third party why I said goodbye to him. Okay, I will admit that there's other man in the picture but it's just an infatuation and an inspiration during working hours so I'll be more committed to my work and his name is Ken. But I know it wasn't Ken that's why I'm losing my feelings for Panget. I've been thinking, and one day I think I've found an answer. On a phone call with Panget, I told him that I realized something, He & I, this wonderful thing we have together, and it’s all or nothing. I mean all this time I've been trying to figure out how we will survive this kind of relationship. We've been attempting to figure out what the future holds for us but we just don’t know and it hasn't gotten us anymore. Because it’s all or nothing, it's that simple. So that's the last time we communicate. He was crying and I wasn't. There's no commitment between us, no monthsary or courting happened. Mutual Feelings but deeper than that. It's funny I guess but I'll always think of our time as three months "we we're together" even though technically we were a couple for only two while one month was spent in an agonizing flirting. Haha. Going to Ken. ( ang landi ko! ) To be honest when Panget and I are still together, Ken is on the picture and he didn’t know that. At first my thoughts for Ken is really an infatuation but then days had passed, from the moment that my schedule is always closing, we became closer since he's closing too. We called each other 'mahal' and our co-workers always tease us and I just realized that I've falling for him. Every jamming at Lumil Silang Cavite we became closer than ever. We text each other. And that's it but there's something special between us. Until he resigned in work. I barely miss him and we rarely see and communicate each other till the closing team decided to have this drinking session again. We met again, we talked about ourselves, what will happen when I leave Jollibee by October. We told ourselves that we will go back to school and graduate college. Then I get his cell phone. There are texts messages of mine but there are from this girl ‘akimi’ I don’t know her so I asked him whose akimi. And I found out that he was courting her. “I see” I just said. Things had settled into the almost the same old comfortable connection during that late night but I had a nagging feeling that something was amiss. I found it hard to concentrate on what he was saying: essentially, that he was so excited courting Akimi, this girl he had been seeing kind of casually. We discussed Akimi for more than half-hour, with me of course fishing questions out of the air like a startled newscaster, and Ken answering each of them proudly and earnestly. I had taken blinking rapidly, trying to overcome my shock. Sometimes while listening to him that night, Ken’s voice faded and instead, I can hear in my head saying repeatedly like a scratched CD, “oh my God! Oh my God. Oh my” Later on, when the initial forehead-slapping shocker had worn off and I felt much calmer with the help of Gilbeys Gin, I went inside the house (since we does the drinking session at the Nipa Hut) I went to sleep and sleep. Although I know it was a small gamble, leaving Panget because of Ken at some point, albeit one that I magnified a hundred-fold, I was glad I was that sort of person who would do anything for a real connection. I was, I was comforted myself, in very good company. I’m still young. I know it was the happiest and most in love I had ever been. : )